This is my life now
by ebby 7695
Summary: Bella is a girl that has to live with the death of her father. He died during the war. When going to counselling she meets another boy whos heart was broken during this tragic event. Can they find love in their broken hearts?
1. Prologue

**Hi everyone. I wanted to try a new type of story. I don't know if it is any good or not but I hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

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**Bella's POV**

Charlie Swan was my father. He was a husband and he had a family. Charlie Swan is dead and I must suffer with life after the war.

My mum is depressed and suicidal. My younger sister and brother are too young to fend for themselves. I am their mother, carer and sister. All in one. I am their family.

My life isn't easy. I go to school and listen to what people say about people who go to war. They say they are evil, hate filled people that fight because they are screwed in the head. My father wasn't like this. He was a man that loved his country enough to go and help them. He died in action. He died a hero.

Well not a hero in everyone's eyes. Just mine. After the Vietnam war people hated the Vietnam veterans. They hated the people that gave them their rights and freedom. Many of these men had no chose but to go to war because they were told that or to go to jail.

My father was the man that sat in the dirt and bug infested swamp trying to rescue his friend. His friend died in his arms. And my father died dragging his friend out of the swamp. Trying to get him somewhere where he could get a proper burial. My father stepped on a mine.

The metal shredded and burnt his skin. People searched all over the valley for his body pieces. They found his hand. Clutching onto his dog tags.

Our last remnant of him was his dog tags. He was cremated and his ashes were scattered into the Fork's forest. That was what he wanted. He didn't want a huge burial. He didn't want to be remembered.

But that was a hard thing to do.

I am seventeen years old. My father died when I was fifteen. My little sister Alice is two and I have a little Brother Emmett who is also two. They are twins and were born 3 days before my father died.

My name is Bella and I am the girl who must live everyday like a mother. I am the girl who must support her family. I am the girl who must push away her dark and suicidal thoughts for her family.

And I am the girl who must live for her families survival...

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**I know that this was really short but I just thought I would give writing something like this a try. If you like it review. I will keep writing if I get a good response.**

**X o x o Ebb**


	2. Chapter 1

**Sorry! I know I seem like a terrible writer because I haven't updated in a month but usually I am better. I wasn't really planning on writing another story but I needed to vent. So here is the next chapter. I hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

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" Bella, can you get me my belt?" I internally groaned. I was not going through this again.

Ever since dad's accident mum has tried anything she believed would numb the pain. At the moment it was needle drugs.

I walked into the lounge room and saw her in the fetal position on the couch.

" Mum you are not putting us through this again." She looked up at me like I had slapped her across the face.

" Isabella. I provide for this family and I suffer every day. Show me some respect and go and get my belt."

I didn't know what to do. So I walked out of the room.

I knew exactly what I could say to her.

'You do not provide for this family. I do! I work in all my spare time. That's when I am not babysitting Alice and Emmett, studying and trying to keep you out of trouble. I suffer. Worse than you can ever imagine. I go to school and listen to what people say about veterans. And every single statement they make is wrong. How would they know the pain and suffering that veterans and their families go through? The mental anguish everyone suffers? They wouldn't! You don't make my life any easier! In fact you make it harder. I am the person who does everything for this family!'

Those were the words I wish that I could say. But I knew they would never come out.

I heard a groan from the lounge room.

I knew it was Renee trying to be subtle about telling me I need to get her belt to put her out of her misery.

Taking her out of her misery and pulling me within my own tormented mind.

I began to slice some tomatoes for a salad. Trying to ignore Renee's near constant groans.

I looked at the knife glinting in the light.

I had a sudden urge to drag it along my skin. To feel a different pain for once. Instead of the deep throbbing in my brain and my heart.

I considered the options.

I could drift in never ending blackness. A 'life' without pain.

Or I could suffer through life.

Never achieving anything. Maybe become a housewife.

But that could only happen if I got married.

" Bella honey, can you please get me my belt? I need to go shopping."

There was no way I was falling for that one...again.

" No."

There was a high pitch squeal that sounded from Alice's and Emmett's room.

One of them was awake.

That meant that my 'peace and quiet' time was over.

I slowly ascended the stairs just as the sound of a second scream sounded.

They were both awake.

I walked into the room and found them wrestling on the floor.

" Bella!" They both screamed in synchronisation.

The one thing that gave me the will to live was Alice and Emmett.

Alice was tiny. Even for a two year old. She had jet black hair and emerald green eyes. But we haven't the faintest idea why her eyes were green because Charlie's and Renee's were and are brown.

Whereas Emmett is the polar opposite to Alice. He is tall and quite fat. His hair is dark and curly and he has chocolate brown eyes. Just like Charlie and I.

I felt two sets of arms rap around my legs. Causing me to topple over.

The room erupted into high pitch giggles. Coming from Emmett and Alice who were standing over me.

That wasn't a good sign.

They both pounced on me landing straight into my stomach.

I groaned.

" Guys get off me."

They quickly got off me and ran out of the room. Emmett chasing Alice.

I followed quietly behind them holding my stomach as I walked.

They were both sitting down at the bench swinging their legs happily.

They were lucky they were too young to comprehend mental pain.

" Bella, what's for dinner?!" asked Alice.

She was extremely well spoken for a two year old.

" We're having lasagna and salad. I'll finish cooking it and you can both have as much as you like."

They started bouncing. I knew they would enjoy it.

After we had all finished eating I put Emmett and Alice back in bed and went into my room.

Tomorrow would be the first day of the second semester.

I would go back to the near constant taunts and discriminative remarks.

But as long as I bottled my thoughts and pain up, I should be fine.

I closed my eyes and fell into a light sleep.

I awoke to the sound of childish giggles.

I knew they were in my room somewhere. But I didn't know where.

" Hmmm. Could there be two little monkeys in my room?"

There was only one of them giggling now.

" Emmett shoosh. She'll find us."

" Could they be under the desk?"

I looked under and they both gasped.

" Emmett run!"

They quickly escaped.

I rubbed my eyes and tried too wake myself up.

But it didn't work.

I knew that I could trust Alice and Emmett long enough to have a shower.

The smell of my strawberry shampoo relaxed my muscles.

I could have stayed in her all day.

But I knew I had my priorities.

I climbed out of the shower and got ready for my first day of school.

**Sorry about the lateness of the chapter. To be honest I am not all that happy about it but please give me your feedback and some constrcutive critism. So please review. I will try and update soon.**

**X o x o Ebb**


	3. ANAndIknowIhaven'tupdatedthisstorymuch

I am incredibly sorry for not updating. So basically I haven't been updating at the moment because I've had exams and my mum owns a dancing school and the concert is this weekend so I've had to help out a lot for the past few weeks helping. Dancing will be over this weekend so I will try and update as much as possible. Also on the 27th of November I will be going to Vietnam and China for a month. So I will try and update as much as possible before I go and while I am over there. Please forgive me. It's just a bad time of the year!

Thanks to all my faithful reviewers!

X o x o Ebb

P.s Just because I don't update in a month it doesn't mean that I am dead. Can people please stop sending me emails to ask if I am alive?!


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